Silence was Never Golden

 I used to think I had something to lose if I told my side of anything to anyone. I used to think it wouldn't matter. I don't think I think that anymore. 

My bucket of fucks hath runneth dry. 

The first time this happened, I did go completely mute. There was severe depression. There was severe grieving. 

This time? Not so much. I had about 24 hours of decently sized downward spiraling - most of it spent traveling (read: completely distracted) or taking 9,500 useless pictures from my window seat on the plane. Yesterday was fueled completely by anger and outright disgust. 

Today, it's Monday, and it's a new day, new me. 

You cannot make this shit up. As soon as I typed the above sentence, I looked up, and saw this. 

According to the Google Machine: 

A double rainbow is a rare optical phenomenon that symbolizes good fortune, transformation, and spiritual awakening. Across various cultures and belief systems, the appearance of a second, fainter rainbow is widely interpreted as a sign of hope, a transition between physical and spiritual realms, and an omen of positive change. [1, 2]

We'll go with that.  

There's not a single thing I can do about that child. Nothing. They said all they needed to say by leaving me. The abandonment is real and solid. 

I cannot "fix" myself into them wanting me in their life. I am my own person, with my own thoughts, my own beliefs. If they cannot choose to live and let live and accept me for who I am, all while demanding that I do exactly that for THEM, then we've got nothing else to say. 

I am moving forward. I will never stay where I am not wanted. 

I'm focusing on me. That's all I can do. And I'm not going to be quiet about it anymore.