Nothing is as it Seems. Nothing.

So, the trip to Seattle was a bust. 

First day was fine. 

Second day was going okay, but then just blew up. 

Third day, I got on the plane early and came back home. 

I probably jinxed it because I just really didn't have a good feeling and I didn't want to be there in that city alone. I voiced that to myself and my husband numerous times, and maybe that's where "manifestation" actually does work. If you say it enough times, it will happen. 

There is no healthy debate or discussion with that person, my child. None. It's their way or no way, and everyone else is beneath them, and to be belittled by them. 

As with everything, I can't remember the exact details, nor do I want to. All I know is that a perfectly fine lunch was going perfectly fine until the topic of anything worldly or political came up. Then it was over. As soon as they put on their sunglasses and cold, stoic armor, it was done. 

They left me. They stormed out of the restaurant, and they were half way up the block, and I just gave up. Whose child leaves them in a place in a city they are unfamiliar with, and doesn't have a care in the world what will happen to them? Mine. Mine did. 

It was probably a textbook case of narcissistic gaslightery, if ever there were one. And it wasn't coming from me. I wasn't allowed to finish a thought. I was interrupted about three words in to every thing I tried to say. I was judged, I was sentenced, and I was left. 

This NOT being the first time being publicly humiliated by this person, I had enough. I didn't even fight it. I couldn't even bear to look at the other people in the restaurant because I just couldn't face the shame. I just left. 

I would have been happy to have the sidewalk swallow me up and make me disappear. And for all they know, it did. 

I won't be the one to contact them ever again. I won't call them. I don't care anymore. They have already proven how little they care for anyone in our family. 

I was chastised because I had not said their NAME in THEIR presence during the brief amount of time we had spent together. Color me absolutely floored. Excuse me? We are face to face. We are conversing. I do not, and really have not EVER used somebody's name when I am speaking directly to them. But lo and very behold, in this instance, I guess it must be required that I acknowledge that they have a new name. 

I could sit there and listen and talk about THEIR interests and what THEY were doing, all while they were NOT bothering to give one flying fuck about my life, other than to judge me (because how very dare I be white, and not be financially struggling, and be straight). How dare I. I don't have a voice. I'm too stupid to really comprehend how the world really is, in their view. But damn it, had I said their name, I guess that would have proven something? 

My heart is absolutely crushed. I really thought this was a new beginning. Instead, it was just a trap, and I walked straight into it like a mouse going for the peanut butter and proverbial cheese. 

What a fucking fool I am. 

They threw away their biggest supporter. Like so much garbage. 

I am crushed. I am nauseated. I am broken. I am livid. But I will no longer be a fool. 

It's like those spiders up there in the picture. At first glance, from up on top of the Space Needle, I was absolutely 10,000% positive that they were sculptures placed on top of that building. They aren't. They are flat paintings. Flat. Like how I feel now. Deflated. Lifeless. Useless. Unneeded. Unwanted. Thrown away. Flat. 

I no longer have anything to prove to them. I will spend the rest of my life focusing on the people that want me in their lives, and the things that will make me a better me. 

Fuquitol. 

At this point, I am not depressed. I am completely crushed. I am completely pissed off, and I am completely done trying to have any sort of humane and sensible relationship with that person, be they my child or not. They can do whatever pleases them, and so can I, and never (most likely) the twain shall meet again. 

I'm not over the heartache but I am over ever trying again. The ball is in their court. Just laying there on the ground.