Mellowing My Harsh

 The morning usually affords me peace. Quiet. The ability to hear myself think without interruption. It is unnerving when that silence is broken, be it early or later, when it's expected to end. It's one of those things that makes me feel the most invisible because it becomes about everyone else's issues. 

Seriously, why must you wake up and immediately be in asshole mode, throwing a tantrum like a fucking five year old? Why? What purpose does it serve?

If you need help, ask for help. Otherwise, figure shit out without slamming things around and yelling. I mean, seriously, at what point do we grow up enough to handle things from a mature angle? 

You have zero concept of how your moods affect me. You have zero care that your swings push me further away every time. You don't care when I got up, what I was doing, or about anything other than your own self-made drama. That pisses me off. Seriously. Like, I'm only here to accommodate and anticipate your every need? 

All I wanted was peace. I'm so sick of this unpredictable bullshit. For fuck's sake, grow the fuck up, adult like the rest of us have to (WITHOUT substances), and move forward in life. 

Everything is always about you - how everyone else makes you feel about yourself. - how it's always everyone else's fault that you feel like you do. It's never about your own choices. (some of this, I say in the mirror, looking at me) It's about NOT being cognizant of how you approach any given situation. Not recognizing that your actions have consequences or benefits. What the fuck? 

And with that, the rest of my day is going to be about me managing my own world, my work, my thoughts, my actions.